Day 107

Today was nice. 

Sunny & stuff.

Almost feels like summer.

Had a bit of a headache from last night.

Tried to get my hair cut but couldn't get an appointment, not surprising this close to Christmas I suppose. 

I annoyed my whole family though, by just getting all worked up about it. I think with the whole no job thing, i needed a beautifying experience to perk myself up haha. So female. 

One thing I'm very aware of this year is the business of the Christmas season. The rush, the hassle.. i've never had that before. Last year, the thing I noticed more than normal was how it was just another day. Sounds weird, but last year I was sick on the day, and I remember thinking how, without all the fuss, it really was just another day to hang out with your family & snooze on the couch. I had mixed emotions about that though, I like special days! We have three hundred and sixty-odd normal days, why can't a few be shiny and special, you know?! Yeahhh.

Got ready to go a few hours early, but still nearly missed my train - to go to Melanie's for a Christmas dinner.

It was sooo nice - a good sized group for conversation, amazing food & a SUPER rad KK gift!!

I appreciate no end how this particular group of people have just sort of..absorbed me into their midst, i guess. 

We met through mutual friends, and now I see them as my friends too. (although we don't hang out as much as i'd like, mostly my fault!) But they're just so easy to be around, and to be myself around.. however annoying/embarrassing I might be at times. Sending lots of love out to them all tonight :) <3

Caught the tram to the city from there & met up with the boys, plus Lisa & Amy.. it worked out well because by the time I left, all the Pakenham/Cranbourne trains had stopped running so I would have been stranded.. ahh! 

Felt pretty yuck by then though, I think from tiredness & stress. 

Serious nausea & stomach pain.. that nausea has been around all week though. Should probably see a doctor.

So I ended up lying on the bathroom floor talking to Amy coz that was the only way i didn't feel like i was going to vomit/explode..... just waiting til they were all ready to go.

Cheers to Cam for the ride, I owe you when I get my car back :P haha.

I still feel weird about this job thing. 

Like... everyone (mostly my folks & the high school kids actually because i haven't really told many others) are telling me that it wasn't me & it's not my fault.. and given the circumstances I know they're right.. there's not much I could have done that would have changed the outcome.

But I still feel a bit crap about it.

Like I wasn't good enough?

Weird. 

I'm 20 & i stil have no idea what I "want to do with my life"

Well.. i have hopes & dreams, and then I have realities..... & i'm trying to mix them together I guess. 

Is any of this normal?

Sometimes I think I live in a bubble.

I didn't mention in my week-fill post that this week just gone was my last week of smallies.

AWWWWWWWWWW.

We had an insane amount of pasta & pizza, and made awesome magaritas! (spelling?) Cheers to Pete for his expert tuition.. :)

We chatted like usual & took a photo & everything coz it was our last for the year & my last one ever.. 

I doubt any of them read this but I want to write a thank you to them anyway.

It's been a year since we started up, and they have reinforced even more my belief that God knows exactly what you need and will provide for you. Their friendship, support, influence & even sometimes the escape they've provided has been amazing and I cherish each & every one of them and all the good times we've had!!! I'm gonna miss Thursday nights, but I know that with Hawthorn & other group dynamics it's a healthy time to leave it behind.

So a big hug, a high five & four large pizzas to all of them. I love you guys, thanks for everything.

Friend defns

courtesy of urban dictionary

1. 

A real friend is someone who: 

a)it's okay to fart in front of. 

b)you don't mind talking to on the bus for atleast 20 minutes. 

c)can borrow $5 and never has to pay it back 

d)you'll actually call up do stuff.

Bob: "Hey Jim, you wanna go see a show downtown" 
Jim: "Sorry man, I'm broke, and how are we gonna get there." 
Bob: "No problem, I'll lend you the 5 bucks and we'll take the bus." 
Jim: "Yeah, okay" (loud farting sound) 
Bob: "Whoah! That was a good one! 

Bob and Jim are friends, 

2.

A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. A person who would never intentionally hurt you, lie to you, deceive you, manipulate you, and who takes great care to be kind to you, honest with you, dependable and loyal. Someone who you trust without question because he/she has never given you any reason not to trust. Someone you enjoy being around and look forward to seeing. Someone who would sacrifice him/herself for you.