Day 6

I really should get around to posting my actual license to Vicroads.

I'm posting it to Kew, one suburb over.

Such a waste of a stamp.

It has to be in by the 2nd though, or i get fined. Uncool.

So.. i really should get onto it.

OKAY!

Next.

I was thinking about feeling things today, fairly non-conclusively. Inconclusively?

By feeling things I don't mean physically, with nerve endings and the like.

I mean... "it's just emoooootion, taking me over, something-something circles, something-something floooooodddd..."

Yeah! Emotions and general feelings. And maybe some physical feelings. Like hunger.

At what age do we start to register things?

You ask a three year old if he's hungry and they say yes until the food is there. Then they aren't.

I remember feeling awful after I lost a ring at school. It was one my grandma had given me and it was just awful.

I would have been in and around Grade 3, which is what.. eight years old? Hmm.

I'm sure there are studies done and I could probably find answers on the internet - but that's no fun.

This is so boring.

I'm so sorry.

If you're reading this and haven't started checking your watch, please feel free to start.

I'm sure there's something else you could be doing.

You could be out, feeling things.

(Double entendre?! HA. I made a funny.)

Aaaaaand moving on.

Seeing mum this morning was soooo good. She came back in the arvo as well and we had lunch. Gosh, i miss her. It's weird how things change. We used to have a very testy relationship, lots of fighting and yelling and silent treatment. But now - it's so cliche - she's one of my best friends & the first person I want to call +sigh+

Definitely the one thing i miss the most about living away from home - my family.

What else can I write about?!

I go to work all day, I see lots of people... there should be something.

OH.

Okay so this is a little dangerous because (obviously) my customers are real people & there's a one in sixty chance they'll read this one day..... but that's the risk you take, eh?

So there's this one guy, who is pretty freaking cute, that Em & I see every day (I say Em & I because I can't just say he's cute then go on to ramble about him like it's all me.. other people think he's cute and share my opinion on my point that is yet to be made.... and plus it makes me seem less of a straying-girlfriend-type which for the record, i am NOT! phew) and i swear, in the last five weeks, he just hasn't shaved. Or cut his hair. He was scruffy cute, but now it's getting to 'homeless man in good clothing' point and it's slightly worrying.

I got a really nice accidental compliment from the strong flat white guy & the skinny flat white lady today :)

They were at the counter & the guy goes "You know, I've had consistently good coffee from here for the last three months" and the lady points to me and says "Yeah, it's this girl" (I don't know if i was meant to hear this, but the guy has a really loud voice anyway & the cafe wasn't exactly full of people) but yes. His reply was, "yes, she's very good" and then i was happy :) It's nice to know i make palatable coffee.

There's this other guy named Guido - i only found out his name recently because he changed his coffee from a latte to a long black but there was already a long black guy and so i was sick of confusing them in my head - and he's really nice. He was getting excited over this one lyric the other day.. I looked it up and all the lyrics to the song are beautiful. I'll post them at the end.

I could probably keep going but i'm starting to bore myself and it's past my bedtime. I'm trying so hard to say no to things and stay home but it's sucking massively. Sad face.

The end.

song of the week - In For The Kill, La Roux (five stars!!!!!!)

wardrobe item of the week - leather jacket. c'mon, who am i kidding. this is never going to end. it's true love.

work non-swear-word(s) of the week - oh MAN!

Empty, Ray LaMontagne

She lifts her skirt up to her knees

Walks through garden of roses with her bare feet laughing

I never learned to count my blessings

I choose instead to dwell in my disaster

I walk on the down the hill

Through grass grown tall and brown

And still it's hard somehow to let go of my pain

On past the busted bags and this old and rusted Cadillac

There sinks into the field collecting rain

Will I always feel this way?

So empty so strange

And of these cut through busted sunsets

These cold and damp white mornings I have grown weary

And through my cracked and dusty country lips

I spoke these words out loud with no one to hear me

Lay your blouse across the chair

Let fall the flowers from your hair

And kiss me with that country mouth so plain

Outside the rain is tapping on the leaves

To me its sounds like they're

Applauding us the sweet love we made

Will I always fell this way?

So empty so strange

Day 5

there are offices at the end of my street.

there's this one guy who always seems to be working late.

not today though.

exams are over, classes aren't running and so work is the most boring thing ever.

i get to see my mum tomorrow.

yay.

i really really really really really really really really really hate that everyone is wearing leather. My style is being compromised, damn it.

it was a bit of a shock to read about the accident on Hallam/Ormond Rd over the weekend. It's an intersection i've driven through hundreds and hundreds of times... n (My parents live around the corner, i grew up in that suburb.) they widened the turning lanes and all that a few years ago but it's still pretty shocking.

The girls who died were friends of friends, practically babies. I had served them at both of my jobs back in HP, seen Joel Brimble out and about.. it's scary. It could have been me. Any one of my friends. Eeeeeeeeeeek :(

i had all this other interesting stuff to write about, but i can't remember a word of it.

blah.

so, my materialistic self is crying over my inability to locate the perfect pair of boots for this winter. why can't the styles i like be under $1000?! DAMN IT.

Day 4

now.

im really tired.

as predicted.

church was good.

meg is nice.

i'm going to miss mel.

lots of people wear leather jackets now.

i don't know if i like it.

later.

i napped.

it was amazing.

later still.

went to Joel's for dinner.

played cats and dogs with the boys.

oh man.

i love his nephews so much.

its weird.

maybe it's because i don't see my cousins anymore.

so these little boys now get all my pent up affection :)

later again.

i can't sleep because of my stupid nap.

damn it.

i have no idea what time i start work tomorrow.

i think it's 9, but it may be 830

hm.

Day 3

___past tense

on saturday.

i cooked a curry & chili con carne.

froze it all up in little portions so i can eat for a few weeks with minimal effort.

i cheated and drove to the shops.

i still have my physical license on me which is why i risked it.

went to Lillis's 21st and had the BEST night!

i miss high school people.

they all loved Joel. brownie points to him.

had a really really good time catching up and getting silly.

saw a couple of friends i havent seen since 2006.

sweet. got home really really late.

or early. depends on how you wana look at it.

actually its really bad because i haven't slept well this week, went back to work which was exhausing, am still feeling pretty ordinary, and am supposed to be taking care of myself. I think i'll be paying for it for a while... eeek.

the end.

Day 2

___factoids

Today..

1. I got reported on the tram because i forgot to validate my 5x daily ticket.*

2. I was super tired. having trouble sleeping lately.

3. Work was insanely quiet.

4. Our house got an amaaaazing couch. I love furniture!! Thanks Valentines!!!!

5. Grace & I had KFC for dinner. I practically inhaled it. So good.

6. Joel & I went to Tamar's birthday which was fun times all around. Put in some effort & got dressed up for the first time in nearly a month. Felt good.

___musings

Michael Jackson = Elvis Presley

- I realised today that MJ is going to be to my kids what Elvis was to me. My mum had scrapbooks and records and fond memories that she shared with me. I like his music, but (esp when i was younger) he was just a guy who made good music, was famous, then died. When I have children, MJ will be that guy. THAT'S WEIRD! So much change in this world, in all aspects. It's strangeeee.

I hate all the jokes that are circulating about him. The guy isn't even in the ground yet, you know? My personal theory is that he was kind of a real life Peter Pan. I don't think the guy was crazy, i just think he never got old. He put his own name in all his kid's names, he wrote songs in a tree, called his estate Nevereverland, collected pretty things, shared his baby with the world by holding him up on a balcony.. those aren't the actions of a man, they're the actions of a 13 year old. I seriously think he just never grew up - that his mind was always young and naive and joyful as his body aged. That's just the vibe I get.

* stupid freaking public transport. I get fines when i drive and fines when i catch the tram. i. can't. freaking. win.

Day 1

when i typed in Day 1 it came up with like, Day 17-something.. with the auto full thing.

It was kind of encouraging.

I've done over 175 days of this. I can do 90-odd.

i've had heaps of time to come to terms with this whole thing.

it's become the norm, sadly enough.

so why do i feel so down?

(for those who can't handle rhetoric, it's because it's human nature to feel disappointment, to resent failure, to rebel against punishment. I also feel the need to make the point that my license is not the only thing getting me down at the moment. don't ask why that's important to say. it just is.)

So.

there's this little bit of graffiti that seems to be everywhere around carlton. it's like a ninja head. but just the eyes and the scarf covering the forehead. there are three in my workplace, one on the dumpster and two on this concrete wall next to our outside tables.

i wonder who or what the public will hate with mindless abandon now that there won't be any Connex.

the tram doors shut on me today. After I realised the driver was generally super impatient at every stop so i didn't feel bad about it. i wasn't slow, he was just overly eager. i did push the doors back open, superwoman style, so i guess the satisfaction from that makes up for the indignation.

I hate customers. Not really. I hate stupid customers.

I had this one lady today who got a salad and a focaccia. We give the salads out straight away and take out the bread units to the table.. so i say to her when i give her the table number, "i'll get you your salad now, but here's a number for the focaccia" and she nods and smiles. Okay. I tell her how much, she pays... i say, "here's your change, i'll just get your salad for you" she nods and smiles, takes her change. I have a feeling she has no idea and sure enough, i go over to get the bowl and off she goes, out the door.

What are they, functionally retarded?

On coffee, I call out "number 52!" and i'm not whispering.

The guy standing directly in front of the counter looks at the coffees with a blank look on his face, consults the docket in his hand, the docket on the coffee (both of which read with the number 52) then looks up at me and says, "52?" Grahhhh.

___playlist.

Bonkers - Dizzee Rascal

Gifted (Aston Shuffle Remix) - NASA ft Kanye, Santogold & Lykee Li

Saturate - Chemical Brothers

When Love Takes Over - David Guetta ft Kelly Rowland

Listen To Your Friends - New Found Glory

Weightless - All Time Low

So Human - Lady Sovereign

Don't Upset the Rhythm - The Noisettes

___goal

Sleep for ten hours in a row before Tuesday.

___quote(s) on solitude.

There are days when solitude is a heady wine that intoxicates you with freedom, others when it is a bitter tonic, and still others when it is a poison that makes you beat your head against the wall. ~Colette

I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself, than be crowded on a velvet cushion. ~Henry David Thoreau

Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy as a loon. ~Lisa Simpson

In conclusion, today was a 'beat your head against the wall' day.

No.

Actually, it was more of a 'stare at the wall dejectedly' day.

I could whinge for ages but I won't.

It's not productive.

I'm going to pull the covers over my head and wait for tomorrow.

Like the land before time.

So it's day 0.

Licenseless as of tomorrow.

DA DA DAAAAAAA.

Next!

Had a great afternoon tea today.

I like nice people.

I like food.

Life is good.

or is it?!

Ohhhh dear ones, i kid.

Life is good.

This afternoon was kind of bittersweet though. I drove home from work loving the sun and the blue sky and the drive.. but knowing it was probably the last time I'll drive for a while. Knowing that while today was a good day, I've missed out on a day off from work. Knowing that while it means i'll hopefully get to rest, I'm going to have to not go to a few things this weekend and therefore let a few of my friends down.

weeeeeew.

There's just so much in my head at the moment. I don't know where it's all come from. None of it is life or death stuff. Just.. earrrgh. Life stuff. Career. Future. Education. Money. Family. Love. Friends. Whatever.

__rant

Twitter annoys me.

Twit (noun, informal) a silly or foolish person.

The hype is unbelievable! I read an entire article on Lily Allen's twitter habits & how they proved that she listened to the gossip magazine's shopping advice & bought ksubi jeans? Blah.

Actually, discussed it at afternoon tea & i'm not as irate about it as i was earlier. But I resolved to write about it, so there it is.

__ramble

Does liking L.M. Montgomery books make me uneducated, backward? I love them. All the Anne books, Emily books.. they make me happy & i get really absorbed in the characters. I like a fair bit of the stuff that's out now, but I can always rely on the classics, you know?

I forget where I was going with this. All i know is i was a little bit embarrassed when the lady next to me was reading about a little child in a third world country and i was reading about a redhead with an overactive imagination.. and i wasn't sure why. Each to their own I suppose.

I'm so tired. It's a few hours after i typed all that... it's nearly ten & i wasted my whole night on an episode of NCIS.

i'm sad.

My head hurts. I can't drive. I think i'll have to organise to get another Keypass because my current one doesn't have my new address on it, which will be expensive and annoying. I have no money. I got another parking ticket today.* I don't want to work tomorrow. I don't want to get up in the freezing cold & go get the tram. I don't want to have to surpress everything I think & feel for 9 hours then come home & have noone to talk to. (Housemates will all be out tomorrow) i don't like being broke. I miss my family. I hate how I can't find a balance between seeing people and sleeping. I hate my eyes for being red and sore all the time. I don't like my haircut, i look like a librarian. I don't have any warm clothes and i'm always cold. I don't like that a lot of this is my own fault. I don't like having no food & no money to buy food & no energy to shop or be creative with what I have. I don't like being awake. I want to sleep. For ages.

but.

Joel brought me muffins and they saved the day. My mum loves me and she sends cute texts that make me happy. Today was sunny and i had a fun day at work. I have a book to read on the tram so I won't get bored. I have no plans for tomorrow night so I can just sleep all I like.

That's all I have.

It's just all a bit too much sometimes.

I'm such a freaking whinger.

I need to go to bed.

Okay.

Doing that now.

* parking ticket story!

so last week i got a parking ticket at Safeway if all places - I had NOOOO idea you had to pay there, I park there all the time without paying! But that was my own fault, whatever. I can't afford it but it will work out.

BUT TODAY i parked my car where I always do, and the machine said free parking til 24th of June, being today. I put 20c in just to check it was right and nothing happened. So I parked my car only to find a parking ticket on it when I got back. So I called the people you have to call & apparently i'll get a letter in 3 to 4 weeks, hopefully telling me it was all a mistake and the machine was faulty. BUT the other cars next to me had the tickets from the machine so i'm scared that something just screwed up, because that's my kind of luck. Oh gosh, i hope not. The tickets are $57 apiece and i can't freaking afford it!!!!!!!!!

PS: I'm sorry there are no pictures. i know it's boring and awful without any. Promise I'm working on it.

Here we go again..

OH MY.

June is nearly over but not a post in sight.

I suck.

However, (i just wrote hoerver & not i'm thinking about food?) I will attempt to post daily as of this Thursday. Why, i hear you ask? It is because as of the 25th of June, I will be, once again, licenseless.

DAMN IT.

Three months this time.

If my mental math is correct, which it probably isn't given my history of numeric non-ability... that's about 93 days.

Grahhhhhh.

So, how are you guys doing?!

Life's been a little awful lately in the sense that i'm turning into one of those people who sees a few friends, but everyone else gets put on the back burner. I kind of miss the days of big groups of great people. But then.. i guess you need to cultivate good friendships otherwise you'll end up with heaps of acquaintances but no real friends.. that said, it's not like the people I don't see often aren't important, or don't have the potential to be great friends.. but distance & time is a killer. So to conclude, i love you all. Yeah.

What's going on with me? Why, thanks for asking. The detailed answer would probably take up the whole of cyberspace so i'll break it down.. into list form.

(hands up who thought I was going to rap?! I totally considered it)

1. I'm seeing an amazing (cliche but true) guy.. man.. guy-man? (QUOTE! She's the Man) No seriously, he's pretty freaking awesome. AND he talks more than me. I know.

2. I've realised that songs with double claps in them are automatically awesome.

Examples:

- Stacey's Mom, Fountains of Wayne

- Do Do's & Whoas, Kisschasy

- L. E. S. Artistes, Santogold

- Keep Your Hands Off My Girl, Good Charlotte

& there were more but i've forgotten.

3. I got really sick after the long weekend.. the flu :s possibly swine, but I'll never know because they didn't test me for it. BUT i did need to go to hospital and get fluids shoved into my arm and whatnot. It's really knocked me on my back. I was out of work & general life for two weeks, and now that the worst is over I'm tired all the time, my immune system is shot, i lost somewhere around 6-7 kilos.. i'm like a grandma :( a couple of months of rest & taking care of myself and I should be back to normal..... but it's sucking majorly.

4. Talkin' 'bout Your Generation is a really really good show. I'm watching it right now & it's hilarious. I love Shaun Micallef. I think I just spelt his name wrong though... so obviously I'm not that big of a fan.

5. I really really love the current fashions, but I don't like that it means all the clothes I adore are really really really expensive. And when I dress like I usually do, I look like one of the crowd. BLAH. But oh! Glorious leather!

6. "I love my Lance- our Lancer" (I watch way too much TV)

7. I've totally forgotten the point of this post

Here are a band you should listen to. I think they're pretty awesome.

www.myspace.com/pictureperfectskys

Here is a dress that I like. The model kind of freaks me out though. I think it's the eyes.